I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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