you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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