She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
