Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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