i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
