i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
