How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
