she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
