I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
