I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
