No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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