She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
