Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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