fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is classic penis vs brain.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
