I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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