Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
