why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
