If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
