So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
