Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
