I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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