She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
