Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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