I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
