Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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