just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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