cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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