I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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