Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize