Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
