I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
