meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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