i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Everyone says I win the strip club
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
