she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
