I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
