i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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