She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
