btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I deserve this hangover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize