I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
