I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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