so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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