1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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