she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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