Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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