my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
