is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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