so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
