areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
