Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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