she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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