I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize