It's just like the Real World with babies
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
