party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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