I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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