when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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