I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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