Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're like a lot better than the average bears
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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