So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize