Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
