She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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