Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
