Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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