Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
