Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
