i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
