smell my finger.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
how drunk are you?
Several
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
