cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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