Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're like the curious george of whores
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
