I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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