I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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