never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
