hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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