You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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